So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
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You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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