Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Randomize
