btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
im six kinds of drunk right now
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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