Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
