tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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