don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
