You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
