I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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