I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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