yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
