He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
