I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
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