farters have to be the big spoon...
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
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