Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
