I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
