I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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