Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Randomize
