I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
