hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
