it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
