Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
