Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
