On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
how drunk are you?
Several
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
