You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
