Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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