Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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