if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
