i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
