I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize