is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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