It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Bring me that man meat
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize