just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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