As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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