We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
