Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
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