wrigley field is MILF paradise
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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