All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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