Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize
