there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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