Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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