i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
