I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
