Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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