I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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