I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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