We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
My penis needs a shock collar
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
