apparently the secret to your success is patron
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
