Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
