normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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