She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
