she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
It's official drugs can't kill me
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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