you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
