my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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