do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Everyone says I win the strip club
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
