Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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