Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
