Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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