dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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