You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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