Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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