im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
