She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
