You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
