I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
