Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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