I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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