Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
